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How to Die in a Company That Turned Into a Labyrinth Chapter 16: Let’s read, read, read books

Chapter 16: Let’s read, read, read books

A chill ran down⁠‍ my spine.

Jung⁠ Jiho.

Why​​ didn’t I take⁠​ that child out?⁠‍ Why did I leave him there?​ I knew perfectly⁠ well he was​‌‌ there. How could⁠‌ I do that?⁠ Me. How the‍ hell? No matter⁠​ how much trash‌ I am, since‌​ when have I become capable of‍‍ going this far.⁠‍

Me.​⁠

I am…

“Seon​ Yuhan? Why are‍​ you breathing like⁠​ that all of‍ a sudden…?”

I promised. I promised​⁠ that at the‍​⁠ very least I wouldn’t become that‍ kind of adult.​​ I swore I wouldn’t become someone​⁠⁠ who ignores a child that needs‍​ help.

“Seon‌​⁠ Yuhan?”

Yes,​ Seon Yuhan.

I swore it in‍ the name of‍‌‌ my own name.​

Only⁠ then did I finally regain my‍ senses and speak.​​​

“Hwang‍⁠ Juyeon.”

I.⁠

I really…

“Didn’t‍‌⁠ we go to⁠​ the daycare first?”⁠

“Huh?⁠‍ No? But… why​ are you suddenly‌​‍ asking that—”

“—Reading​‍‍ club participants read‌ their respective books.”⁠⁠

“Huff,‌ they won’t even​ let us talk⁠⁠‍ for a moment.‍ How strict.”

With‍⁠​ a confused expression,‌‌⁠ Hwang Juyeon grumbled⁠​ and lowered her‍‍‍ gaze back to‌‍ the book.

Yes.‌ Like she said,‍‍‌ we, I, did​‌ not go to​‌⁠ the daycare. This‌‌‍ time.

No⁠​⁠ matter how much‌⁠⁠ I go over⁠ it, I don’t‍‍‍ have that memory.​‍

But⁠ that makes no⁠ sense.

Me.‍

Me,‌‍ who knows that‌​‍ in that daycare​⁠​ there is a child being punished⁠​ like a giant⁠​‍ music box figurine.‍

It​​⁠ makes no sense⁠‍​ that I would​⁠‌ go straight to​⁠⁠ the library while‌⁠⁠ ignoring that.

“Damn…”​

I swallowed the rest​‌ of the word.‍‍

This‍ is it.

They⁠‍⁠ erased my memory.‌⁠ Definitely.

I don’t know exactly​‌ why.

But⁠​⁠ if I had⁠ to guess, I’d‌⁠‌ say it’s a penalty for not​ following the library’s⁠​‍ instructions.

“Hwang‍ Juyeon, do you‍ remember a child⁠ named Jung Jiho⁠​⁠ in the daycare?”‍‌

“Uh…‍​ I’m not sure.​‍ I don’t remember​‍ every child one​​ by one… why?‍‌​ Was there someone‌ you knew? Once⁠​ we get out,​ let’s go check​‌⁠ immediately…!”

Yes.​ We have to‍‌ finish this damn​​ reading club quickly​‍​ and go check.‌‌⁠

And‌​ to finish it,⁠⁠ there’s no choice​‍​ but to read.‌

[Kim‌‌ Gilyeong stared absentmindedly‍ out the window.‌‌ White snow fell​ like flower petals.⁠⁠ As if celebrating‍​​ her birthday. But‌ that only made⁠⁠ her feel lonelier.​‌⁠ Just because something⁠‍ is familiar doesn’t​‍ mean it’s okay.]​

Reading⁠⁠ another person’s life‌‌‍ like this feels⁠‌ uncomfortable.

And​​ having someone read‍‌ mine too.

“Reading​‍ club participants read‍​ their respective books.”⁠

I glanced at the‍ freelance magician on⁠⁠ my right.

How⁠ far has she‍⁠‍ read?

What‌‍ part of my⁠⁠‌ life is she​ at now?

Reading⁠‌⁠ me does not​‍‍ mean understanding me.‍​⁠

Without⁠‍ becoming me, she⁠ cannot accept it.‌​

She‍​​ can know me,​ but she cannot⁠‍ trust me.

Understanding​‍ is an illusion,⁠​ acceptance is a deception, and faith⁠ is nothing more‌ than a mistake.‌​

It’s‍‍ not a mistake‌ it’s an ellipsis​ it’s a mistake‌‌ it’s a period⁠⁠ that is a period that sensation‍​ is an exclamation‌ mark it’s a mistake it’s a period that sensation⁠ is an exclamation‍‌ mark that finger⁠⁠ is a comma‍ that gaze is⁠ a comma it‌ must be purified​ period the tool​‌⁠ for that is⁠‍ a comma the⁠‍ body is a period I am‍ a period please‍‌ could you just⁠ let me—

“Reading‍​ club participants read‍⁠ their respective books.”‌⁠​

“Seon‌ Yuhan.”

Everything⁠‌⁠ is spinning the‍​‌ black letters in⁠‌⁠ the book twist‌ around. I should‍ have killed them.‌​‌ Like leeches. They‍⁠‍ crawl all over‍ my body from‍‍ the fingers holding‌‌‌ the pages. Sticky.‍‍‍ I want to‌​‍ tear them off.⁠‌‍ Disgusting. Even if‌⁠‍ I have to​⁠ peel off my​⁠ skin. I want‌ to wash my​ hands. I should⁠ have died. Please,‍ just today—

“Reading⁠‍ club participants read​ their respective books.”‌⁠

“Seon‌​ Yuhan…!”

“Huh?”‍‍

Suddenly,​⁠ Kim Gilyeong called‍ out to me⁠‍ urgently, and I raised my head.‌

“Are⁠‍ you okay? It‍ looks like you‍ can’t read…”

“Ah.”‍⁠‌

I looked down. The​ paper in my⁠​ hands seemed to‍‍​ be crying, completely​‍ crumpled.

For‍⁠‍ some reason, I thought it looked‌​‍ like the librarian.​‍

That​ scrunched-up face, on‌‍ the verge of‍‌​ tears.

“I’m​ sorry. It’s just‌​ that… I got⁠⁠‍ nervous too late.​ I couldn’t focus.‍‍ Thanks for telling⁠ me.”

Would​​‍ I have died⁠‌ again if I had torn the‍​‌ book completely apart?‍‌‌

Thinking​⁠‍ that, I looked‌⁠​ back at the‍ book.

[During‌ the last vacation​‌ of middle school,​ Kim Gilyeong suddenly⁠‌​ missed her school⁠ friends. She searched‌​ for the old‌​‍ online class café​‌​ created by her‍ teacher. She no‌ longer remembered the⁠​​ portal password after‌ so much time.⁠

“What⁠‍​ is the name‌ of your best‌⁠ friend from elementary‍​​ school?”

She⁠⁠ remembered clearly. A pale-skinned friend with​‌ dimples when she‍ smiled. Hong Donghui.⁠​ She answered without​⁠‌ hesitation.

When⁠⁠ she logged in,⁠ she saw the‌ class group photo.‍‌ The latest post⁠⁠‍ was from two‍‌‍ years ago. Everyone‌ was promising to‍‍ meet again.]

Even‌ if it’s difficult,⁠‍ I have to‍⁠⁠ read.

Because‌‌ it’s the rule.‌‌

And⁠‌ rules must be⁠ followed.

If‌‍ you don’t follow‍ them, you’re a bad child.

[Kim‌ Gilyeong walked slowly‍ between the empty‌ bookshelves. Touching the⁠ spines of books​⁠​ like Strange Case‍ of Dr Jekyll⁠‍ and Mr Hyde,‌ Timequake, Hard-Boiled Wonderland‍‍ and the End‍‍ of the World,‌ In Search of‌‌ Lost Time, Mist…​‍ She stopped before​⁠⁠ an empty space​‌​ and placed a C. S. Lewis‍‌ novel there. Secretly​⁠‍ reading books with​ no demand was⁠ a privilege of‌‌‌ the librarian.]

The‍ words enter my‍⁠ eyes, but bounce⁠ away.

I can’t focus.

[The⁠​​ lights of Bookbangollae​​‍ went out.]

I read as best⁠‍⁠ as I could​⁠ until stopping there.​​⁠

That​⁠ seemed to be​ the moment when⁠​⁠ the building turned‍‌ into a labyrinth.‍‌

The‌‍‍ next line said.⁠‌

[※The​​⁠ complete story reaches‌ this point. What‍ follows is still‍‍⁠ in progress and⁠ is not recommended​ to read.※]

I stared at that‍ sentence for a long while, then​​‍ closed the book⁠‌​ and raised my​​‍ head.

Kim⁠‍⁠ Gilyeong had already​​ finished reading Hwang‍ Juyeon’s story.

Hwang‍​⁠ Juyeon still had‍‍ a few pages‌⁠ left.

If​ nothing can be‍​ read after the‍ start of the​​ labyrinth, then at‍ least she won’t‍‌‌ know that I’m⁠ trapped in a loop.

Though‌ it probably doesn’t‍ matter much anymore.​⁠‍

“All‌ participants have finished​‌ reading their books.”​

Shortly⁠ afterward, when Hwang‌ Juyeon also closed⁠⁠ her book, the‌ library’s ghostly voice​⁠‌ was heard again.⁠

“From​‍ this point on,‌‌ the participants will‌‍ freely share their‍ impressions of the​ book and present⁠‌ the work they‌‍ read. However, spoilers‌​ that interfere with‍‍⁠ the experience will​ be censored.”

“Censored?”⁠​

An‍‌⁠ unsettling expression.

Does​ it mean spoilers​‍⁠ cannot be said,‌‍‌ or that they​​‌ can be said‌ but will be⁠ blocked halfway through?‍‌‍

“Since​​⁠ we don’t know​⁠ what kind of‌⁠​ disadvantage there will‌ be, it’s probably‌⁠​ best to speak​‌ carefully for now.”‍

The‌​⁠ three of us⁠ remained silent for‌​​ a moment, watching‍ one another.
It was natural‌ to hesitate to‌ open our mouths‌‍‌ when a single‍​‍ wrong word could‍ mean death.

“I…”‍⁠⁠

But.​‍‌

“After​⁠​ reading Kim Gilyeong’s‌‌ story…”

You​ can’t move forward‍‌⁠ if you don’t‌ take the first‌‍ step.

***‌⁠​

“There‌ was something that​⁠ made me curious⁠ while reading. Kim‍​⁠ Gilyeong’s favorite book‍⁠ during her childhood,​‌ was it Alice‌​​ in Wonderland or⁠​⁠ The Chronicles of⁠ Narnia—”

“—Seon⁠‌ Yuhan, that seems‌​ to be a spoiler. I can’t‍ understand what you’re⁠⁠‌ saying. I think⁠​ it’s better not​​ to talk about⁠‌‍ that part.”

I stopped at Hwang​‍ Juyeon’s observation and‌‍‌ cleared my throat​‌​ in the process.‍‍‍

The‍ fact that spoilers‍‍ are censored means‍‍ spoiler content is⁠ automatically filtered and⁠​ cannot be heard.​

Thank‌⁠⁠ goodness they don’t⁠ make you pay​ with your life⁠‌​ for saying them.‍​​

But‍ how is what‌​ her favorite childhood‌​⁠ book was considered​ a spoiler?

First​ it says she​ read Alice in‌ Wonderland and opened​ a wardrobe, then⁠ that her favorite‌ was a C.‌‍ S. Lewis novel.⁠

If​‌ it’s C. S.⁠ Lewis, then it​​‍ would be The‍‍ Chronicles of Narnia.​ Alice is by‌‍ Lewis Carroll.

It‍ could be that‍​ she got confused⁠⁠ as a child⁠ or later changed‍ her tastes, but‌‌‍ even so it⁠‌ doesn’t seem like⁠‌ something worthy of‍ censorship.

I don’t understand the⁠⁠ criteria for spoilers.​⁠​

“Seon⁠​ Yuhan?”

“Ah,​⁠‍ yes. Anyway, personally,⁠‌ I think Kim⁠ Gilyeong…”

The‌ book narrating Kim‍‌ Gilyeong’s life was‍⁠⁠ difficult to comment⁠‍‌ on deeply.

Partly‌‌‍ because I couldn’t‌‌​ focus properly, but⁠⁠​ mostly because, to‍⁠‌ be honest, her‌​‍ life didn’t have‌⁠‍ particularly memorable or‍⁠ interesting events.

“I​​ envy you.”

I know it’s ridiculous‍‌ to envy someone⁠​ by seeing only‌‍‍ fragments of their‍ life.

But‍‌ actually, that’s the​‌ only thing I envy. I don’t⁠⁠ want her whole​​​ life, just those‌⁠​ pieces.

“Uh…‍‌ th-thank you… I guess…”

The‌ librarian responded uncertainly,⁠ averting her gaze.​‍‌

“Since⁠ Seon Yuhan presented‌​ my story… I guess it’s my‌‍‍ turn now… I read Hwang Juyeon’s‍‌⁠ book…”

Kim‍ Gilyeong began speaking‍⁠⁠ cautiously, stammering, but​⁠‌ little by little‌ she became immersed‍ in her impressions‌‌‍ until they poured‍ out all at‌ once.

“So…‍ you don’t really‍ like piano anymore?”⁠​

“It’s⁠⁠‍ not that I don’t like it.‍‌ I just don’t‌‍‌ have the same⁠⁠⁠ passion for it‌‍‌ as before.”

From‍‌‌ what I heard,‌ Hwang Juyeon liked‍‌‍ her side as‍ a freelance magician​‌ more than her‌​ role as a piano teacher.

When⁠‍ mentioning her main​⁠ job as a teacher, she seemed‌​ to feel as‍⁠‍ if she were​​⁠ making excuses.

“It⁠⁠‍ also hurt reading‌‌‌ why you became​‍ such a distant‍​​ person… a girl​⁠ from your church‌ disappeared, and even⁠‌ then they said‍⁠​ those things…?”

“Well,‌ it wasn’t just‌‍ because of that.‌ Those are things⁠‌⁠ that build up​ over time. Besides,​‍ I’m no saint⁠​ either. I don’t‌‍​ even remember her‌ name very well.”‌⁠

In‍ any case, Hwang‌‍‍ Juyeon was a normal person.

Far‌ too normal to⁠ be a suspect⁠‌ in an attempted⁠ murder.

“¡¡#@%&—!!”‍

The⁠⁠‌ spoiler-censored voice sounded‌‍⁠ like distorted audio,‍‌ impossible to understand.​​‍

Could‌‍ the motive for​⁠​ the crime be⁠⁠‌ hidden there?

But‍‍‌ I’m not a detective, and if‌​ nobody died, there’s​‍‍ no need to⁠​‍ solve anything.

And‍⁠‍ besides.

I looked at Hwang​‌⁠ Juyeon silently.

When‌ our eyes met,⁠⁠ she naturally looked‍⁠ away.

Like‌⁠ someone who knows‍ something.

Not⁠​​ like someone who‍‍ knows it far⁠‍ too well.

There​‌‌ are stories better‍‍⁠ left unknown.

***​‌

“The​‌‍ reading club has‍ ended.”

The‍ three of us‌‍ held our breath,‌⁠‌ waiting for the⁠‍‍ next instruction.

But​​⁠ nothing else was‍ heard.

“What?‍ It really ended?⁠‍⁠ Already? Seriously?”

“I-it​‍ seems so…”

“Wow…”​‌

Hwang‍⁠ Juyeon dropped onto​⁠ the sofa with⁠⁠ a long sigh,‍ then immediately jumped​⁠​ back to her‌​ feet.

“Then​‌ let’s go, quickly!”‌⁠

Without‍‍​ needing to say‌ it, I was‌‍ already at the‌⁠ door.

“Please…”⁠‌‌

I clasped my hands⁠⁠ together as if‌‍ praying, grabbed the‍‍ doorknob, and pushed​ hard.

Ssshh—‌

“Ah.”​‌‌

The‍⁠‍ door opened smoothly,⁠⁠ without any resistance.⁠‍‌

“It⁠‍​ opened! It opened!”​⁠

Hwang​‌ Juyeon hugged Kim‌​‌ Gilyeong, jumping with⁠ joy.

I stepped forward, holding​​ the door just​ in case it‍ closed again.

For⁠‌​ the first time,⁠‍‍ that second-floor hallway​⁠‍ felt pleasant to‌‌⁠ me.

“Ah…‍‍ ah…”

Hwang​ Juyeon came out⁠ behind me, smiling‍​‍ with a strange‌‍‍ expression, until the‍ librarian’s voice made‍‍ her turn around.‌

“Miss‌​ Kim, what are‍ you doing? Aren’t​​‍ you coming out?”‍

“Kim⁠⁠ Gilyeong…?”

The⁠⁠ librarian was still⁠ standing inside the‌‌​ library, right behind​ the open threshold.⁠‌

As⁠ if there were​⁠ an invisible wall‌ there, striking the​ air with both⁠⁠ hands.

“I-I⁠⁠ can’t get out…!”​

Something⁠⁠ was wrong.

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