Chapter 16: Let’s read, read, read books

A chill ran down my spine.

Jung Jiho.

Why didn’t I take that child out? Why did I leave him there? I knew perfectly well he was there. How could I do that? Me. How the hell? No matter how much trash I am, since when have I become capable of going this far.

Me.

I am…

“Seon Yuhan? Why are you breathing like that all of a sudden…?”

I promised. I promised that at the very least I wouldn’t become that kind of adult. I swore I wouldn’t become someone who ignores a child that needs help.

“Seon Yuhan?”

Yes, Seon Yuhan.

I swore it in the name of my own name.

Only then did I finally regain my senses and speak.

“Hwang Juyeon.”

I.

I really…

“Didn’t we go to the daycare first?”

“Huh? No? But… why are you suddenly asking that—”

“—Reading club participants read their respective books.”

“Huff, they won’t even let us talk for a moment. How strict.”

With a confused expression, Hwang Juyeon grumbled and lowered her gaze back to the book.

Yes. Like she said, we, I, did not go to the daycare. This time.

No matter how much I go over it, I don’t have that memory.

But that makes no sense.

Me.

Me, who knows that in that daycare there is a child being punished like a giant music box figurine.

It makes no sense that I would go straight to the library while ignoring that.

“Damn…”

I swallowed the rest of the word.

This is it.

They erased my memory. Definitely.

I don’t know exactly why.

But if I had to guess, I’d say it’s a penalty for not following the library’s instructions.

“Hwang Juyeon, do you remember a child named Jung Jiho in the daycare?”

“Uh… I’m not sure. I don’t remember every child one by one… why? Was there someone you knew? Once we get out, let’s go check immediately…!”

Yes. We have to finish this damn reading club quickly and go check.

And to finish it, there’s no choice but to read.

[Kim Gilyeong stared absentmindedly out the window. White snow fell like flower petals. As if celebrating her birthday. But that only made her feel lonelier. Just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s okay.]

Reading another person’s life like this feels uncomfortable.

And having someone read mine too.

“Reading club participants read their respective books.”

I glanced at the freelance magician on my right.

How far has she read?

What part of my life is she at now?

Reading me does not mean understanding me.

Without becoming me, she cannot accept it.

She can know me, but she cannot trust me.

Understanding is an illusion, acceptance is a deception, and faith is nothing more than a mistake.

It’s not a mistake it’s an ellipsis it’s a mistake it’s a period that is a period that sensation is an exclamation mark it’s a mistake it’s a period that sensation is an exclamation mark that finger is a comma that gaze is a comma it must be purified period the tool for that is a comma the body is a period I am a period please could you just let me—

“Reading club participants read their respective books.”

“Seon Yuhan.”

Everything is spinning the black letters in the book twist around. I should have killed them. Like leeches. They crawl all over my body from the fingers holding the pages. Sticky. I want to tear them off. Disgusting. Even if I have to peel off my skin. I want to wash my hands. I should have died. Please, just today—

“Reading club participants read their respective books.”

“Seon Yuhan…!”

“Huh?”

Suddenly, Kim Gilyeong called out to me urgently, and I raised my head.

“Are you okay? It looks like you can’t read…”

“Ah.”

I looked down. The paper in my hands seemed to be crying, completely crumpled.

For some reason, I thought it looked like the librarian.

That scrunched-up face, on the verge of tears.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that… I got nervous too late. I couldn’t focus. Thanks for telling me.”

Would I have died again if I had torn the book completely apart?

Thinking that, I looked back at the book.

[During the last vacation of middle school, Kim Gilyeong suddenly missed her school friends. She searched for the old online class café created by her teacher. She no longer remembered the portal password after so much time.

“What is the name of your best friend from elementary school?”

She remembered clearly. A pale-skinned friend with dimples when she smiled. Hong Donghui. She answered without hesitation.

When she logged in, she saw the class group photo. The latest post was from two years ago. Everyone was promising to meet again.]

Even if it’s difficult, I have to read.

Because it’s the rule.

And rules must be followed.

If you don’t follow them, you’re a bad child.

[Kim Gilyeong walked slowly between the empty bookshelves. Touching the spines of books like Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Timequake, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, In Search of Lost Time, Mist… She stopped before an empty space and placed a C. S. Lewis novel there. Secretly reading books with no demand was a privilege of the librarian.]

The words enter my eyes, but bounce away.

I can’t focus.

[The lights of Bookbangollae went out.]

I read as best as I could until stopping there.

That seemed to be the moment when the building turned into a labyrinth.

The next line said.

[※The complete story reaches this point. What follows is still in progress and is not recommended to read.※]

I stared at that sentence for a long while, then closed the book and raised my head.

Kim Gilyeong had already finished reading Hwang Juyeon’s story.

Hwang Juyeon still had a few pages left.

If nothing can be read after the start of the labyrinth, then at least she won’t know that I’m trapped in a loop.

Though it probably doesn’t matter much anymore.

“All participants have finished reading their books.”

Shortly afterward, when Hwang Juyeon also closed her book, the library’s ghostly voice was heard again.

“From this point on, the participants will freely share their impressions of the book and present the work they read. However, spoilers that interfere with the experience will be censored.”

“Censored?”

An unsettling expression.

Does it mean spoilers cannot be said, or that they can be said but will be blocked halfway through?

“Since we don’t know what kind of disadvantage there will be, it’s probably best to speak carefully for now.”

The three of us remained silent for a moment, watching one another.
It was natural to hesitate to open our mouths when a single wrong word could mean death.

“I…”

But.

“After reading Kim Gilyeong’s story…”

You can’t move forward if you don’t take the first step.

***

“There was something that made me curious while reading. Kim Gilyeong’s favorite book during her childhood, was it Alice in Wonderland or The Chronicles of Narnia—”

“—Seon Yuhan, that seems to be a spoiler. I can’t understand what you’re saying. I think it’s better not to talk about that part.”

I stopped at Hwang Juyeon’s observation and cleared my throat in the process.

The fact that spoilers are censored means spoiler content is automatically filtered and cannot be heard.

Thank goodness they don’t make you pay with your life for saying them.

But how is what her favorite childhood book was considered a spoiler?

First it says she read Alice in Wonderland and opened a wardrobe, then that her favorite was a C. S. Lewis novel.

If it’s C. S. Lewis, then it would be The Chronicles of Narnia. Alice is by Lewis Carroll.

It could be that she got confused as a child or later changed her tastes, but even so it doesn’t seem like something worthy of censorship.

I don’t understand the criteria for spoilers.

“Seon Yuhan?”

“Ah, yes. Anyway, personally, I think Kim Gilyeong…”

The book narrating Kim Gilyeong’s life was difficult to comment on deeply.

Partly because I couldn’t focus properly, but mostly because, to be honest, her life didn’t have particularly memorable or interesting events.

“I envy you.”

I know it’s ridiculous to envy someone by seeing only fragments of their life.

But actually, that’s the only thing I envy. I don’t want her whole life, just those pieces.

“Uh… th-thank you… I guess…”

The librarian responded uncertainly, averting her gaze.

“Since Seon Yuhan presented my story… I guess it’s my turn now… I read Hwang Juyeon’s book…”

Kim Gilyeong began speaking cautiously, stammering, but little by little she became immersed in her impressions until they poured out all at once.

“So… you don’t really like piano anymore?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it. I just don’t have the same passion for it as before.”

From what I heard, Hwang Juyeon liked her side as a freelance magician more than her role as a piano teacher.

When mentioning her main job as a teacher, she seemed to feel as if she were making excuses.

“It also hurt reading why you became such a distant person… a girl from your church disappeared, and even then they said those things…?”

“Well, it wasn’t just because of that. Those are things that build up over time. Besides, I’m no saint either. I don’t even remember her name very well.”

In any case, Hwang Juyeon was a normal person.

Far too normal to be a suspect in an attempted murder.

“¡¡#@%&—!!”

The spoiler-censored voice sounded like distorted audio, impossible to understand.

Could the motive for the crime be hidden there?

But I’m not a detective, and if nobody died, there’s no need to solve anything.

And besides.

I looked at Hwang Juyeon silently.

When our eyes met, she naturally looked away.

Like someone who knows something.

Not like someone who knows it far too well.

There are stories better left unknown.

***

“The reading club has ended.”

The three of us held our breath, waiting for the next instruction.

But nothing else was heard.

“What? It really ended? Already? Seriously?”

“I-it seems so…”

“Wow…”

Hwang Juyeon dropped onto the sofa with a long sigh, then immediately jumped back to her feet.

“Then let’s go, quickly!”

Without needing to say it, I was already at the door.

“Please…”

I clasped my hands together as if praying, grabbed the doorknob, and pushed hard.

Ssshh—

“Ah.”

The door opened smoothly, without any resistance.

“It opened! It opened!”

Hwang Juyeon hugged Kim Gilyeong, jumping with joy.

I stepped forward, holding the door just in case it closed again.

For the first time, that second-floor hallway felt pleasant to me.

“Ah… ah…”

Hwang Juyeon came out behind me, smiling with a strange expression, until the librarian’s voice made her turn around.

“Miss Kim, what are you doing? Aren’t you coming out?”

“Kim Gilyeong…?”

The librarian was still standing inside the library, right behind the open threshold.

As if there were an invisible wall there, striking the air with both hands.

“I-I can’t get out…!”

Something was wrong.