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I Married the Dragon I Killed Chapter 33: Determinism of Mana

Chapter 33: Determinism of Mana

Valdrova’s⁠‌⁠ routine was extremely⁠​⁠ simple.

An​ enemy appears.

She‍ crushes it.

She⁠ roars.

She​‌‌ returns home.

More‍‌ than a Duchess,‌ she seemed like⁠ a barbarian warrior.⁠‌‍

She‌‌ had always protected‌​ the people, and⁠⁠⁠ had never felt​⁠‍ any rejection toward⁠​ it.

But‌‌​ lately, she had‌‌ started to doubt⁠​‌ one thing.

— Krrraa—

To‍‌‌ roar.

That⁠ roar, perfect for‌​‌ the frenzy of​​ battle and declaring‍​⁠ victory, had recently⁠ begun to feel​​ embarrassing to her.‌

— Ah…

Her​ voice faded like‌‌​ a whisper.

Valdrova‌‍ let out that​ incomplete feeling and‍⁠ cleared her throat.⁠⁠

Her⁠‍ eyes drifted toward‍ the place that⁠⁠ had made her‌‍ change.

Her‍ gaze turned to⁠ the top of​ a solitary mountain.​​

Every⁠ time she went⁠ out to the‌⁠ battlefield, Perda was‌ always there.

‘He​‌⁠ didn’t come today‍‌ either.’

But⁠ at the top‌​ there was only⁠ flattened ground.

As​‍ always, he had‌ not come to‌​ watch her.

Valdrova​ felt uncomfortable under⁠‍ his gaze.

When⁠ he watched her,‌ she became nervous​‍ and clumsy.

And‍‌‍ that made her‍ look ridiculous.

She‌ had even thought⁠ it was better​ if he did​‌⁠ not look at⁠ her.

‘Yes‌​ maybe it’s better‌‍​ this way.’

Valdrova⁠ spread her wings⁠‍⁠ and returned to​ her lair.

The‍‌ solitary mountain of​ the Far East.‌

She⁠‌ chose that place‍‍‌ because it was‍⁠ difficult for humans⁠​‌ to find.

When‍ she entered the‌ cave, Ruri received⁠⁠⁠ her.

“Good⁠​ work, my lady.”​

Valdrova‌‌ passed by without‍‌‍ responding.

Seeing‍ her ignore even‌⁠‌ a greeting, Ruri​‌ followed her inside.⁠

“Is​​​ something wrong?”

— It’s nothing.

Valdrova‍ coiled up as⁠ if nothing had⁠⁠⁠ happened.

“Please,⁠‍ tell me. I want to help‍⁠ you.”

— Mm…

—Has‌⁠ Perda… grown tired​​‍ of me?

“…Huh?”​‌​

Ruri​⁠ looked at her​ in disbelief.

— He didn’t come‌​‌ today either.

Valdrova⁠ thought it was​‌‌ better this way.‍​

But​ a greater sense‌⁠ of emptiness came⁠‍ over her.

It‌‍ was a normal‍​⁠ day.

And​ yet, she felt⁠ that something important⁠⁠ was missing.

“It⁠ has only been‍ two times. One‌⁠ week. It is​ very little compared‍ to the time​‌ you have lived.”‌⁠

— I know.

Only‍‌‍ one week. Only‍ two times.

And‌ yet, those words​ weighed too much.​

“Perda‍⁠ has been very‍‍ busy lately.”

He‌⁠ had been collaborating​‍​ with merchants and​​​ resolving matters of​ the local lords.‌

When⁠​ he entered his‍‍⁠ office, he would⁠​‍ not come out‍​ until late at​​ night.

— Even so… he‌ used to come‍‌‍ before, didn’t he?​​⁠

That​ was true.

No‌​‍ matter how busy‍​ he was, he​‍ always came when‌ he knew Valdrova⁠ was fighting.

And‍ when their gazes‍⁠ met, he always‌​ smiled at her.‌

— Surely… since I don’t even pay‌‌⁠ attention to him,‍​‌ he has grown‌‍⁠ tired of me.​⁠‍

She⁠ lowered her head,​​‍ dejected.

But⁠ Ruri did not‌‍‍ think the same.⁠‌

‘If‍‌ he had really‍ grown tired, he‍⁠ would not be⁠ so busy.’

Perda‌‍‍ acted for the‌⁠ well-being of everything‌‍ under Valdrova.

And​​ that came from‍​ his affection for​​⁠ her.

— Ruri.

“Yes,‍‍‌ my lady.”

Valdrova‌​⁠ spoke with difficulty.‍‍

— That thing ladies‌‍‌ do…

“Do‌⁠⁠ you mean a tea party?”

— Yes. That.

Ruri‌ was surprised.

Since‌ the prince incident,‍ Valdrova had avoided​​‍ humans.

— Could you… propose​‌​ a tea party‌ to Perda?

She‌‍​ had taken a big step to‌ meet her fiancé.‍

***‍​

Perda⁠‍‌ became a third-circle‌‍ mage.

The⁠ first circle is​⁠‍ a point.

The⁠ second, a line.⁠‌

The‌‌⁠ third, a surface.‍‌​

That⁠⁠⁠ plane is the‌​ magic circle.

The​‌​ true beginning of⁠ magic.

‘Also,‌ the Magic Library​ disappeared.’

It​‍ was a memory⁠‌‌ method that stored​ magic in the‍ mind.

It‌⁠⁠ was only obtained‍‌ at the fifth​ circle.

But‍ by going back‌ in time, he‍ lost it.

‘Even⁠ so, the magic‌‌ is still in‌​⁠ my body.’

Magic‌‌ in the subconscious.⁠⁠⁠

Like‍⁠ exploring a ruined⁠‍⁠ library.

He​‌‍ concentrated mana in‌‍​ his right arm.⁠​​

The‍‌ flow was natural.‍‍‍

‘Draw‍ a magic circle.’​

First‍‌ step concretion.

He⁠‍‌ recalled a magic‍‍⁠ circle.

Normally⁠ it is done‍‌ with books.

But‍‌ he did it​⁠ differently. He drew​ without knowing the⁠‌ purpose.

Like‍​ casting a fishing‌ rod.

And‍‍⁠ waiting.

‘I’m‌⁠​ sorry.’

Second⁠ step: structuring.

He‌‌⁠ imagined a quill‌⁠ moving.

The‌‌‌ circle appeared in‌ his hand.

Third⁠⁠‍ step: materialization.

He⁠​ injected mana.

The‌⁠‌ circle glowed.

‘This‍ spell…’

Without​⁠‌ thinking, he acted.‌‍

He‍ pointed with two​‌​ fingers.

“Elemental⁠⁠‌ Bolt.”

Bzzzz!​

A bolt shot out.​⁠‍

‘Dangerous.’‌‌

He‍‌ almost injured himself.‍‌‌

But​⁠‌ he did not‌⁠ stop.

He‌‌​ searched for another​‌ spell.

‘I’m‌‍ sorry.’

He​‌‍ drew another circle.​​

And‍​​ then.

It​‍⁠ turned black.

Darkness.⁠

Pure⁠‍​ black magic. Before‌ thinking.

“Shadow⁠⁠ Hand.”

The⁠ shadow of the‌​‌ candle stirred.

And​‌ separated.

A new arm.

‘There‌ are side effects.’‌‍‌

Unlike⁠‌ Magic Hand.

This⁠‌‌ creates a new⁠‍​ arm.

It​‍ does not cover⁠‍‍ it.

‘The‌ cost is mental.’⁠‍

Confusion.​‌

Is​ it my arm?‍

Or​​‌ not?

If​‌ you fail. Extreme‍ pain.

But⁠‍ Perda already mastered​‌ this.

‘Even‌​​ so… it doesn’t‌ feel like mine.’‍

He‌‍ looked at his‌⁠ black hand.

And‌⁠‍ began to test‌‍ its movements.

It​⁠‌ was as natural⁠⁠⁠ as a real⁠⁠‌ hand. It was⁠⁠⁠ as natural as‍ if it were‌⁠ his original hand.‌⁠​

Perda‍‍ averted his gaze‍‌‍ and looked up⁠​ at the shelf.​⁠‌

Normally,‌ it was a distance that required‍ standing up and‌‌‍ taking about ten‌⁠‍ steps.

Perda​ extended his hand​‍‌ toward it.

‘Arms​‌‌ can stretch.’

Following‍ that idea that‍‌ broke common sense,‍‍⁠ the shadow hand‍⁠ extended beyond its‌ limit.

It‍‍ stretched far enough‌​ to cover the​ distance of those‍‌‌ ten steps, took⁠​ the book on⁠​‍ the shelf, and⁠​‌ returned.

‘It‍‌‌ is a third-level​‍‌ spell, but too‍ demanding for someone‌⁠ at the third‍⁠ level.’

The​ more detailed the‌‌ control, the greater​‍​ the imagination and‌ mental strength required.​

That‌ is precisely the⁠ essence of black​⁠ magic.

It‍‌ has high performance,‍ but demands an‌ equally high level.‍

If​‍ that level is‌‌ not reached, it⁠ is easy to‌⁠ lose one’s sanity⁠‍ with these spells.⁠

‘When​ I reach the‍⁠ fourth circle, it​‍⁠ will be more⁠ stable.’

Thinking⁠​‍ that, Perda murmured.‌​

“The‍⁠ next stage…”

His‍ mind became complex.‍

It⁠ was a moment​ when he should‌ seek improvement, but⁠‌‍ he did not‌​​ feel the usual‌‌​ drive.

‘To⁠​ stabilize it completely,​‌‌ I need an⁠​‍ amount of mana​ equivalent to the​‍⁠ fourth circle.’

It​‌ was the amount‌⁠‍ needed to fully‌ suppress Valdrova’s ferocity.‍‌​

That​⁠‍ was why he⁠‌ wanted to advance​‌ no matter what.‍‍

However,‍ now something was⁠ blocking him.

It‍ might be because‍‌​ he had reached‌‌‌ the third circle‍‌ without difficulty, but​ the biggest reason​ was, without a doubt, the recent⁠‍‌ affinity test.

‘Determinism‍ of mana…’

Perda​ had learned many‌‌ things from his‍​​ master, who had‍ great greed for⁠‌ money, and among‌⁠ them was the⁠‌​ theory of magical‍‌⁠ determinism.

It⁠ was a theory‍ that resonated more‌‌⁠ with holders of⁠​ the Red Circle‌ than with those‍‍​ of the Blue‍ Circle.

It‌​ stated that, even​ if one awakened⁠ in another timeline‍‍ with different purposes​ and events, one’s‍⁠​ attributes remained unchanged,‌ an idea derived‍ from determinism.

‘It​​⁠ was a useless‍​​ discussion.’

As‌ useless as proving​ a utopia.

Not‍‍⁠ for nothing was‍‌⁠ it called a theory that broke‌ human relationships.

But⁠⁠ Perda, who had⁠ gone back in​⁠ time, could not⁠‌ ignore it.

‘I‌ no longer feel‍‌⁠ hostility toward my‌‌ family nor hatred⁠​‌ toward the world.’⁠​‍

He⁠ had decided to⁠‌‍ live only for‍ her, so he​‌ thought his attributes‍‌ would have changed⁠‌‌ as well.

However,​​⁠ what was granted‌‍ to him was‍⁠ darkness and electricity.‌⁠

Exactly⁠ the same magic⁠ he used in‍ the past.

‘What⁠ did I feel⁠‌‌ when I knew​ I had these​ attributes?’

No‌​ matter what, he‍‌‍ was happy.

There⁠​ are two attributes⁠ that the Blue⁠​ Circle cannot handle​​⁠ properly.

Light⁠⁠​ and darkness.

Light​‍‌ manifests in clerics‍‍ through a righteous⁠‍⁠ heart.

Darkness​ arises from negative‍‍ emotions, as in⁠⁠ Perda’s case.

Having​ affinity with darkness‍ implies the disadvantage‌​‌ of not being​⁠​ able to use‌​ light magic or​ healing magic.

But‍ in exchange, unlike‍​ other users of⁠⁠ the Red Circle,​‍ he does not‌⁠‌ suffer a great‌‍​ reduction in other​ elemental magics.

Because‍ of that, Perda​ could handle almost‍ all elements, except⁠ light, at the​ level of elemental​⁠ masters.

‘But⁠​​ now…’

It‍ was not something​‍⁠ good.

The⁠​‌ current situation with​⁠ Valdrova was different.​‍

What​ was once a blessing that allowed‌‍ him to stand‌‍‌ out now felt​ like a curse.‌‍‍

‘Valdrova​ suffers because of‍ the nature of‌​ darkness and I possess darkness.’

It‌⁠ had already been‍‌ proven that by⁠‍ injecting mana he⁠‌ could influence her.‍

But‍⁠ if instead of‌⁠‍ stabilizing her, what‍‌‍ he did was​ plant another seed⁠ of darkness inside‌⁠ someone who already‍‌ suffered from it,​⁠ what would happen?​

If‍ what he gave⁠​⁠ ended up leading‍⁠​ to destruction, could‌⁠ it really be‍ called helping her?⁠

‘If​ the mana that‍ killed her kills​ her again…’

Just‌⁠‌ as mana does⁠​⁠ not change, if⁠‍⁠ fate does not⁠ change either,

‘Should​​ someone like me‌​ be by her​‌ side?’

Even‌‌ for Perda, who⁠⁠ was once an⁠⁠⁠ archmage and dominated‍⁠ the world, that‌ was unknown territory.‍‍

And​ whenever he faced‌‍​ the unknown, he​⁠‍ challenged it.

But‍ now, it only‌⁠ plunged him into​‌ deep doubt.

A mage’s research connects​ directly with magic.‌‌

That​⁠‌ deep thought of​ Perda gave rise⁠​ to another spell​​ from his subconscious.⁠‍

Following⁠​⁠ his intuition, he‍ structured a magic⁠​​ circle again.

It‍ was only when‍ the structure was‍​‌ complete that he⁠​ realized.

‘What‌ is this spell?’‌⁠‌

It‌‍ was not something​ forgotten.

It​‌⁠ was a form⁠‌​ he had truly​⁠⁠ never seen.

An⁠ extremely complex formula,⁠‌ filled with runes.​​

Due‌​​ to its complexity,‍‌ it was comparable​⁠​ to sixth-level spells.⁠

But‍​ if it were‌ truly sixth-level, it‌⁠ would have collapsed‍‍ at the structuring⁠⁠‌ stage and would‍ not look like​​‌ this.

And‌⁠ above all, he​ would remember it.‍

Without‌‌⁠ a doubt, it‍​ was a spell⁠‍‍ drawn from his‌‍⁠ subconscious.

Shadow⁠⁠⁠ Hand and Elemental‍​​ Bolt were also​⁠ like that, but​ even so he​ was able to‌ recall their names‍‍⁠ afterward.

But​‌ this.

Although​ it floated above‌‌‍ his palm, he‌​ could not remember⁠​ its name.

‘As‍‌⁠ if it never‍‍ had one.’

He‌​‌ did not understand‍‍​ it.

Perda‍‌‌ used the Shadow⁠⁠ Hand he had⁠ manifested to take‌ magical copy paper‍​⁠ from the cabinet.​⁠

He‌‍ placed it over‌⁠ the magic circle⁠​​ he maintained and‌‍‌ copied its shape‍⁠ and symbols.

He‍ observed the circle.‍​‍

He​‌‌ tried to understand‍⁠ it, but even‍⁠ with his knowledge‍​ he could not‌ analyze it.

Knock,‍‍⁠ knock.

Someone​⁠ knocked on the‍​ door.

— It’s Ruri.

Perda‍ rolled up the⁠ parchment and set‍⁠‌ it aside.

“Come​‌ in.”

The⁠ door opened and​‌‍ the young maid​​ entered.

As‌​ always, she had​ an expressionless face.⁠

“You​‌ seem to have​‌ many concerns.”

“I’ve‍‌​ been thinking about⁠ several things.”

He​‍ concealed both the​‍‍ magic circle and​ his thoughts.

He⁠ did not think‍‍ Ruri needed to‌ know.

“What​ do you think‌‍​ about a tea​ party?”

While‍⁠​ they were eating,‌​ Ruri asked that⁠‌‌ question.

“A⁠⁠‌ tea party? With⁠⁠ whom?”

“Who​ else could it​⁠‍ be but my​ lady?”

Ruri​​ spoke more firmly⁠‍ than usual.

“My​⁠⁠ lady personally asked​⁠ me to arrange‌​ this. If you​​ wish, it can⁠‌ be this very​⁠ afternoon.”

“A‍ tea party with⁠⁠ my fiancée…?”

Perda​⁠⁠ imagined it.

She,​ dressed in an‌ elegant dress, drinking⁠⁠​ tea gracefully.

And⁠ Valdrova in that‍⁠ refined environment.

‘I‌ want to go‌ without a doubt.’‍

Under​ normal circumstances, he‌‍‌ would have accepted⁠‌​ immediately.

“It‍⁠​ is a good​⁠ idea, but I do not think⁠ it is the‌⁠ right time.”

“…Excuse‌ me?”

Ruri‌ asked as if‍‌ she had misheard.‌‍

Perda‍‌ answered once again.​‍

“There‌ is no need‌ to rush. I need some time⁠‍​ to think, so⁠‌⁠ let’s postpone it.”⁠‍‌

“……”​​

Perda​ spoke calmly, as​‍ always.

Ruri‍​⁠ stared at him‍​ before speaking.

“Are‌ you playing with​​⁠ my lady?”

“Playing?”‍​

“A‌‌‌ struggle between lovers⁠​​ for control. Are‌‍ you trying to​‌‌ make Perda fall​​‍ more in love‌​‌ with you…?”

“It’s‍⁠⁠ not that.”

It⁠‌‌ was not easy‍‍ for him to‌ have that kind⁠‍ of complex thoughts‍‌ about relationships.

“Then​⁠⁠ what is it?”​​

“It’s‌​​ nothing.”

“You‌​​ always said you​⁠‌ wanted to see⁠‌ her. If you‍‍‍ say that now,‌ it seems like‌⁠⁠ you are about⁠⁠ to die.”

“It’s‌​ not that, don’t⁠ worry.”

“I‍ will not leave​⁠‌ until you answer.”‌

Since‍⁠ Perda was acting‌⁠​ differently, Ruri also⁠‌ became insistent.

It‌⁠​ seemed she would⁠ follow him even⁠ to the bath.​​⁠

He⁠⁠ thought about ignoring​ her, but.

“Have‍⁠ you grown tired‌ of my lady?”‍‍

He⁠⁠⁠ could not ignore‍​‌ that.

The‌ moment he heard‍‍⁠ those words, Perda’s⁠ heart sank.

“Why⁠ do you say⁠‍ that?”

“My⁠⁠⁠ lady said it.​‍ She said that‌​ lately you do⁠‍ not go to‌ see her fight.‌‌ That since you‍ do not even​​⁠ show up, it⁠ seems you have‍⁠ grown tired.”

Grown​​​ tired?

That‌‍⁠ was impossible.

Perda‍⁠ only wanted to‌ see her.

Only‌​ now he could​⁠​ no longer observe​‌⁠ her as before.​⁠‍

“If⁠‍ that is not⁠​‍ it, then you⁠ should give an​​​ appropriate answer.”

Ruri’s⁠‌ loyal eyes shone‍​⁠ silver.

Perda‍ finally spoke.

“…Lately‌‌‍ I have been⁠‌​ worried.”

“Anyone​⁠‍ could notice that.​⁠ What are you‌ worried about?”

“My‌⁠​ mana contains darkness.‍‌ I am worried​⁠ that that darkness‌‌ might harm her.”‌‌‍

“Is‍⁠ that all?”

Ruri‍​‌ removed her glove‍ and extended her‌‌ hand.

“Then,‌‍‌ try it.”

“With‌‌‌ you?”

Ruri​ nodded.

“I⁠⁠‌ am also a spawn with dragon‍ blood. Even if​ it is little,⁠​ I can detect‌​‌ if something harms‍⁠ my lady.”

Perda‍ decided to try‍ without further hesitation.‍‍⁠

A small hand, like‌​⁠ a girl’s.

But​‍‍ it was not​ completely soft.

Perda​⁠ injected his mana​‍ into her.

“What‌⁠ do you feel?”⁠

Ruri​‍ tilted her head.‌

“…I‌ am not sure‍​‌ what I should⁠⁠⁠ feel. I only‌‍ feel that the⁠ mana flows into⁠ me.”

“Do‍ you not feel‌⁠ anything else?”

“No.”‌⁠

The‌‌ amount of mana‌ was equivalent to⁠‍ a Mana Shot.‍⁠‍

With⁠‌ Valdrova, that amount‌ already caused a reaction.

“I⁠⁠ will try with‍‌ more.”

Now⁠⁠⁠ it was five‌⁠ units.

An⁠‌⁠ amount enough to⁠‌ affect magical circuits.‌​

Ruri’s⁠​ expression changed slightly.‌

“And⁠⁠⁠ now?”

“I⁠⁠ feel something, like‌‍ you said… but‍ it is not​ harmful. It is‍‌ just mana.”

Ruri⁠ frowned and looked‍‍ at Perda in​‍ disbelief.

“You⁠ worried about something​⁠ so insignificant and‌ ended up frightening‌​‍ my lady?”

“…Yes.”⁠

“You​⁠‌ turn people into‍‍ dogs and break​ their fingers, but​ when it comes⁠ to my lady,‌‌ you are extremely‌​ cowardly.”

Valdrova,​⁠ the Red Dragon,‌ an existence impossible​‌ to stop.

But⁠⁠‌ before Perda, she⁠ was nothing more​⁠⁠ than a fragile‌‍ woman like a flower.

And‌⁠‌ the possibility of⁠ hurting her was‍ too much for‍​⁠ him.

“As‍‌ the one who‍ will be her‍‌‍ husband, you should​⁠ not cause her⁠ worries over something‍⁠⁠ so trivial.”

“You’re‌‍​ right.”

“Fuu…”​‍‌

Perda​⁠​ nodded, and Ruri‍ let out a deep sigh.

She‌‍ could clearly feel‍ how much she⁠‌‌ had suffered being‍‌‍ between both of‍ them.

“Then,⁠‍⁠ what will you⁠‍​ do?”

What​ else?

“I⁠​ will accept the‍‍ invitation. If my‌​‌ fiancée personally requested​‍ it, I cannot​ ignore it.”

There‌ was no other‌‌ option but to⁠​‌ face it.

“Understood.”‌‌​

Ruri⁠‌ bowed and left⁠ the dining room.​​

Once​ she left, Perda‍​ looked at the‌ parchment he had‍ set aside.

‘Investigating‍ this now will⁠‍ only bring me⁠​ more concerns.’

He‌ could ask Morida​‌‍ to identify the‌ spell.

Or‌⁠‌ ask Echidna to​‍ interpret it.

But​‌ he felt that‍⁠⁠ he had to‌​​ understand it himself.‍⁠​

So,⁠ he carefully folded‌‍⁠ the parchment and⁠⁠ placed it between‍ the pages of‌⁠​ a book.

If⁠ one day he‌‍ found it by‍​ chance, he would​‌ think about it​⁠​ then.

He‌⁠ decided to forget​‍‍ it for now.‍⁠​

***‌⁠‌

‘He⁠‍ always gets involved⁠​⁠ in unnecessary things…’​⁠​

Ruri​ walked down the​‌ hallway murmuring to​ herself.

He‌‌ had rejected the‌⁠‌ invitation arrogantly, and⁠ the reason was⁠​​ trivial.

‘Normally‍‍⁠ he is straightforward,‌‍ but with my‍ lady…’

He⁠ could be ruthless⁠‌ with others, but‌‌ with Valdrova he‌ was a coward.‍‍

‘That‍​ his mana might‌ harm her…?’

Ruri​​ looked at her‍‍​ right hand.

He‍‍⁠ said she felt⁠‌‌ nothing, but in‍ reality she had‌ felt something strange.​​

And‌‍ that sensation still‌⁠‍ remained in the​ hand Perda had⁠⁠‍ touched.

‘I‍⁠‌ don’t know what‌‍ this is.’

It‍‌ was a strange‍​ sensation, but it‍ was certainly not​‍⁠ dangerous.

‘I‍‌‍ can’t say it‍​ and frighten him⁠ more…’

Ruri⁠‌ put her glove​ back on and​‌‍ kept walking.

A loyal servant had​⁠ no rest.

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